As I sit and remember the old times I ask myself a question. How did I do it? The same way I do it today one day at a time. Planning is something that is needed but when you get ahead of yourself you tend to oversee things you need to analyze. The past sometimes can come back to haunt you, while in math class I was given an easy question to solve. I had the right answer, but then I said to myself that was too easy it can’t be right, I changed it to the wrong one because I had no confidence in the first one I did. When I was young in catholic school where everything was intimidating to me being the only Latino in the class, I was always considered slow. I wasn’t as good as the white kids so when we did quizzes they would finish fast while I was still working on mine. I would change my focus from the problem to the students that were turning in their paper; so I would turn mine in quick to, even though I wasn’t finished yet. I would get a low grade and be satisfied while they would get good grades; my mind was all messed up when I was a kid in school. I saw the same thing happen today instead of focusing on the problem I sabotaged it in order to be quick. I over think myself into mistakes all the time in school. I really thought that I had got rid of that defect; the scars of the past can stay with you for a long time, sometimes never leave. We need to understand when old traits are stopping you from trying to accomplish a goal. Fear is another that hurts me, I could study all night and when the test is given total oblivion. The professor questions me on it and I tell her” I was over thinking” They are still lots of old scars I need to address, it’s nobody‘s fault, I am not being oppressed today or ridiculed like I was in the late 60s and early 70s. The mind only remembers one thing; the bad times of the past when confronting a similar situation. In my Spanish class I feel like the superior one especially when the professors are Hispanic themselves, I feel like I could pass any test, figure out any question, and participate without worry; I need to bring that same attitude into my other classes. In my book I give all the scenarios ‘that scared my academic life and still into today I have noticed it bothers me. When we feel that we are fine there could still be an old stone floating in our shoe you may need to attend in order to get yourself feeling better.I remember last semester how my Spanish professor will tell me at test time to take my time I don’t know if it was God talking through her but I really needed to hear that. It’s to show you., that real teachers like her teach, the others just are doing their jobs.
Have a great day :0)
My book “Soap that doesn’t clean” will be out in 2013